Living in probability
I haven’t found a direction, most of the decisions made in the past days during my time in this body has and probably still will be based on impulse. I like to believe I live in the present. I record vocal audio on a combination of instruments I find pleasing, nostalgic, sometimes that gives me a fluntuation of my emotion. On my best days I believe myself to be uniquely edgy and cool and on my worst I realize everyone is never the same and blessing or good luck isn’t always with everyone. At this point in my journey I feel the need to be famous and wealthy, aside happiness, those are the things I desire, I yearn for. Considering people who already have those things to an extent claiming they no longer see the pleasure of it, in a way I can understand, I relate it to myself wanting something so bad and finally getting it but being bored as soon as it’s in my grasps. I love anime, I love music, I love dressing cool nothing flashy but the type to make me stand out, that doesn’t make much sense it’s like I like dressing to get people attention but at the same time I I try not to make people notice me. I love being under the influence, I love how it makes me be in a different mind state. I love how I’m able to realize my faults rather than being ignorant. I love being alone as much as I yearn for close friends with a strong bond. Being alive is such a weird concept. Love and hate is such a weird concept. Envy and jealousy are real emotions which is really strange being those are the only emotions with a clear picture in the soul of every human. Being conscious of my existence in this body at this period of evolution is sad but then I love the sunrise as much as I love the sunset. I’m going to try something new here and see if it brings me closer to my own current concept of joy and freedom. I hope my mindset changes.
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